Hello my fury ones.
I have been admitted to hospital in a mental hospital, because I want to be a Russian and it is not possible. I cry every night about it, sometimes people have to come and sit with me to help me sleep.
I am on antidepressants and have attempted suicide nearly 3 times.
I have a collections of Russian hats like these here...
http://c1.planetsave.com/files/2007/08/russian-hat-guy.JPG
http://gift-of-russia.com/index.php?main_page=popup_image&pID=44&zenid=sv73o49tehriq0prudb15961u7
http://www.rusmilitary.com/images/soviet_furhat.jpg
I have 100 different hats.
I also have some of these...
http://i01.i.aliimg.com/photo/v0/107928921/Russian_Blue_Fox_Coat.jpg
http://www.peterpalms.com/catalog/fur/trumpfur.jpeg
I have 21 Russian coats.
I dress up as a Russian every day.
I can talk Russian, have been to Russia 27 times on holiday in (all during winter) including in Siberia.
Every time I come back, my counselor tells me off for feeding my obsession.
I love them.
I would to cuddle them, and hug their lovely fur coats and their fur hats. I want to stroke them like kittens because Russians are so cute; especially when they walk around in the snow in front of St. Basel's Cathedral.
I wanna be surrounded by Russians, in winter; dress for freeing whether; all eating dinner with me, while I dress like them.
Then I would go outside in the -35*C (winc-chill of -50) weather outside, and enjoy the freezing air.
I would see snow around me.
I would be staggering down the street, because I would have waves of pleasure surging through my body. And I would feel this way for the rest of my life.
When I last went to Russia, I had difficultly walking because of the pleasure; and I had to change my underwear 3 times in one day on one occasion. People told me that as I walked down the street, I occasionally grunted (which was due to the extreme pleasures that I felt); this is even more magnified when I went down Red Square, where the pleasure brought me down to my knees (making me have to walk like a frog does across the open grounds, with loads of giving me some very strange looks as a result.
I had no sleep for over 6 days when I arrived, and when I came home I attempted suicide by an overdose of paracetamol.
What would expect to happen to someone whom expierences this kind of pleasure like I have discribe if they emagrate here. Apparently, according to my calculations; if I done that, it would create pleasure that would cuase my death to occur.
What should I do?
CREED